I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
