absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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