It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
