whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
