this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
