don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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