Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i've created a new STD.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
