You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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