Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
