HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
only you would photoshop your dick
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
