I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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