...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
