we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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