I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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