I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
