You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
