My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
