Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
