You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
