and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
