wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
