I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
