yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What drink are we having for lunch?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
