To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
