I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
