There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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