sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
