Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
