Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
