I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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