A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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