Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
