hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are we still banned from the library?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
