He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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