so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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