Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
