just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
