I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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