I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
