we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything about him screamed your future.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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