Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
