so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
