is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
