What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
