I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
