So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
