atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
