Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
