I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you never un-have a 4some
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
