his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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