It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
