Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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